If there was one piece of advice I could share with you and the world that would help strengthen relationships overnight, it would be to bring gratitude and positivity into your relationship immediately. 

One problem I see over and over again is complacency.  When one or both of you stop noticing what the other is contributing to the relationship, it’s going to spiral downhill fast. You know what that feels like as the efforts you put into the relationship are no longer noticed. It’s also important to look at what efforts your partner is putting into the relationship that you no longer notice. The change starts with you. 

What you focus on you find. Where is your focus?

Take just 3 days and really look at the thoughts you have about your partner, the things you say, the tone in which you say them. It’s important that you truly take time to do this step and not from a place of looking for what you’re doing that they’re missing. This time, it’s all about your partner and your thoughts about them. 

Noticing what you focus on in your relationship helps you know where you need to shift. Are you noticing all the things they’re not doing? All the ways they don’t support you? Where it appears they have an easier life experience than you have? Be 100% honest with yourself about what you think and see. 

The next step is to be curious about what you may be missing. 

Years ago, I had a client who was fed up with taking care of all the home responsibilities. She was up and working from sunup to sundown and it infuriated her when her husband would come home from work and become a couch potato. When she started being curious about what she was missing, she noticed that she was expecting him to have the same level of energy as she had and to be able to keep up with her. She also noticed that she expected him to have the same priorities about their home as she did. 

She’d become so focused on what he wasn’t doing according to what she expected that she completely missed what he was doing. He was getting up and going to work day after day at a job he didn’t enjoy because he wanted to provide a good living for his family. He was physically and emotionally run down and had started having health problems. 

Her focus shifted from what he wasn’t doing to what he was doing and started to express gratitude for those things. Saying thank you for activities that are the expected norm really goes a long way in reconnecting. 

What is your partner doing that you’ve overlooked because it’s become part of the routine? 

Start saying thank you more often and slow down enough to really mean it. Here are some gratitude statements to get you started: 

• Thank you for taking out the garbage every week. I really appreciate you.
• Thank you for being someone I can talk to who doesn’t judge me. 
• Thank you for sharing parenting duties with me. I know that not everyone does that, and I appreciate that you do. 
• I love the way you look at me. Thank you for making me feel beautiful. 
• Thank you for being a voice of reason for me and for having my best interest at heart. 
• I just love being in your energy. I’m so thankful for the time I get to spend with you. 
• Thank you for listening. I really needed to get that off my chest.

The more gratitude you express, the more positive you’ll feel about your relationship. Your thoughts will shift and you’ll feel more and more connected to your partner. You’ll also notice their connection coming back to you. Don’t be surprised when they follow your lead and begin expressing gratitude as well. 

Let’s start right now! Share something positive about your partner in the comments below.

Until next time,

Tonya Marie

P.S. Grab the free journal prompts that accompany this “Rekindling the Flame: 30 Days to a Stronger Relationship” blog series at the link below.